Motherhouse Foundation

Happiness

2009-08-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

I read this quote today that was at the end of a e-mail at work. I just thought that you all would like it and that it could be helpful in your Motherhouse projects.

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.” -Denis Waitley

And I think I have a question from this quote: What does it mean to you to live every minute with grace?

Have a great last few days/weeks of summer!

Genius: The Modern View

2009-05-19T13:37:00.000-07:00

Click on this link. (Also, though it's unrelated to this, read the post below here if you get a chance, it is really excellent. Oh, and, this was originally sent to me by Liz Quist, and I think to her by Kim Gardner, so thanks!)

OPINION | May 01, 2009
Op-Ed Columnist: Genius: The Modern View
By DAVID BROOKS
The latest research suggests a more prosaic, democratic, even puritanical take on great accomplishment. It's not I.Q., but deliberate practice.

Excerpt from A Single Voice: The Unexpected Life is No Less a Life by Kristen M. Oaks

2009-05-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

http://www.ldsmag.com/books/090514single.html

This article is written from an LDS perspective but I think it includes many excellent principles that can be applied in other belief systems. Marriage is very important to LDS people because of the belief that families can be forever. I really love the message here. Not all of us will live lives that are in line with the dominant narratives in our worldviews. That in no way means we are off the path for our lives. This life is about learning to use our freedom of choice to become creators like God. The more I am around married women the more I realize that happiness is the wellspring of love and romance in marriage and not the other way around. Our struggles will continue with us if we don't resolve to be ourselves and find happiness now.

The following is an excerpt from A Single Voice: The Unexpected Life is No Less a Life by Kristen M. Oaks, wife of Elder Dallin H. Oaks.

. . . So much was taking place around me, and yet I was struggling just to get started—I was a single sister in the Lord's army, and I was still seeking to find my place. On occasion my experience was similar to sitting around waiting to receive my uniform before I could enter the war.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland has written of living our lives in these last days. His words rang especially true to me because I often waited in uncertainty about the direction my life would take, not realizing how much control I held over that direction and over my own personal happiness. “We must not be paralyzed just because [the Second Coming] and the events surrounding it are ahead of us somewhere. We cannot stop living life. Indeed, we should live life more fully than we have ever lived it. After all, this is the dispensation of the fulness of times.”1
Although, as Elder Holland suggests, we are living in the “greatest of all dispensations,” as a single woman I remember feeling many times that I was just marking time, waiting for my life to happen. I had to learn to make it happen. In my early twenties my life was not progressing confidently in the direction I had envisioned for myself. In fact, it seemed not to be progressing at all.

I did graduate from college. I did teach school. I did buy a car. But I was waiting for my life to happen. I was afraid to develop myself too much because somehow I mistakenly believed that I might make myself unattractive to a prospective husband. In reality, maintaining the status quo was making me unhappy. President James E. Faust cautioned single members, “Being single does not mean you have to put off being happy.”2

I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be content. I looked to examples in my life, to the scriptures, to literature, and to the words of the living prophets to help me. Looking at sisters around me, those who were happy and fulfilled, I began to notice that their happiness had nothing to do with their marital status. It is so important for singles to integrate themselves in a married community at church and with family to maintain an eternal and balanced perspective.

In her novel The Face of a Stranger, Anne Perry, herself a single, faithful Latter-day Saint woman, writes words that had significance to me. She writes of Hester, who is fast approaching age thirty, and the advice given her: “‘Do I detect a note of self-pity, Hester? … You will have to learn to conquer that…. Too many women waste their lives grieving because they do not have something other people tell them they should want. Nearly all married women will tell you it is a blessed state, and you are to be pitied for not being in it. That is arrant nonsense. Whether you are happy or not depends to some degree upon outward circumstances, but mostly it depends on how you choose to look at things yourself, whether you measure what you have or what you have not.'”

President Harold B. Lee gave similar advice: “Happiness does not depend on what happens outside of you but on what happens inside of you; it is measured by the spirit with which you meet the problems of life.”

I realized that I had to go forward with my life. In my late twenties, I began a major identity check. My dreams of having a husband and family were not coming true and looked as if they would never come true. After a crushing breakup with a longtime high school boyfriend, I realized the identity I expected for myself as a stay-at-home mother was not going to be: no children and no one to support me financially, emotionally, or physically. This was an incredibly heart-wrenching time for me. It was heart-wrenching because I had not prepared for it or even anticipated it. This was not the life I had expected, and I had no plan of action to accommodate it.

Many can relate to this who have had their plan for life shattered by a divorce, by a death, by a disappointment, or by a major betrayal. We need a period of time to heal and to regroup. In my case, I was given help in the form of a dear friend, Donna Lee Bowen. She is a tenacious visionary and has great determination to get things done. She was merciless. She told me to get on with my life and make something of it. She saw more potential in me than I saw in myself, and she helped me have the courage to try new things.

The reality hit me that I had no real skills to support myself. My studies in English literature had fed my soul, but now I needed to feed my pocketbook. I attended graduate school to learn a skill so I could support myself, and then I just kept going to school because no one stopped me by marrying me.

More than that, I loved every minute of learning and discovered not only new ideas but also my own capabilities. Where I had felt shy and somewhat incapable, I now felt I could function. The fear that I could not support myself left me, and I became excited and even intoxicated with my occupation. I earned a master's degree and ultimately a doctorate in education. The great blessings from all this experience were the things I learned that would help me so much as a mother.

I continued to pray and ask for direction from Heavenly Father. Spiritually, I am a late bloomer. Slowly, ever so slowly, spiritual things unfolded in my life and came to serve as the foundation of my life. I came to know revelation is real. At age twenty-six, I went on a mission and learned Japanese. I also learned a new depth of commitment to Heavenly Father. I learned to persist—by going door to door in monsoon weather, by eating chicken skin and seaweed, and by being told by people looking me directly in the face that no one was home.

The truths of the gospel became truer to me as I declared them to others. Truths do distill upon us, a drop at a time. To this day, whenever I walk down a busy street, I look at the people passing by, think how the gospel could bless their lives, and want to tell everyone of its truth. That mission laid the groundwork for my life.

Life was not perfect, but I was going forward. Work became a blessing to me. I moved from the classroom to consulting. Heavenly Father provided so many opportunities for me. The Lord kept directing me to opportunities where I could grow and contribute and find happiness. There were also many hours alone. At times I felt quite content and occupied; at other times I felt actual physical pain. In fact, at times the pain was debilitating. Being alone was not fun for me.

Everyone is different; we all have differing needs and desires. My great love is children. My sisters were generous in allowing me to take care of my nieces and nephews. I felt my time with them was more than just a travel opportunity or time to play. It was the “sacred, noble stewardship” Elder M. Russell Ballard described to teachers and leaders of children because “we are the ones... to encircle today's children with love and the fire of faith and an understanding of
who they are.”5

We prayed together, visited Temple Square, and had walks and talks. I attended their baptisms, Primary programs, and sacrament meeting talks. We also had sleepovers and went to plays, museums, carnivals, car washes, libraries, and bookstores. We cooked and we swam and we played. We did school projects together.

We visited Nauvoo, Illinois; Gettysburg, Pennsylvania; and Park City, Utah. I was available for every school project and activity. Homework became my specialty; I fear I sometimes gave too much help. The Lord blessed me with a wonderful family, and I stayed close to them and had the privilege of nurturing them.

This time with the children in my family brought me great joy and contentment, and it also provided me with experience—experience that would later benefit me as a wife, a mother of six, and a grandmother of twenty-nine.

The more I devoted myself to the gospel, the richer my life became. I believe that is Heavenly Father's plan. Service and activity in this Church enrich our lives. All those years of cooking for Young Women parties, planning Primary activities, and making Christmas wreaths at Relief Society Enrichment meetings began paying unexpected dividends. I learned domestic skills and, more important, the Lord put me in contact with noble Church members of varying ages.

The Church community provided me with experiences that would bless me for my future family life. It was like practicing in a flight simulator. I learned how to calm screaming babies, to instruct children, to interact with priesthood holders, to support the priesthood, to conduct meetings, to counsel, to cooperate, and to be part of a group—skills that are integral to family life.

Many times living a happy and contented life was a day-to-day challenge. Daily small acts of faith strengthened my relationship with Heavenly Father. I was more valiant some days than others, but I persisted because I so much desired His Spirit to be with me. I prayed and He answered. I read the scriptures and came to understand His doctrine. I attended the temple to serve and to receive revelation. I was protected by these small acts.

Just as Elder L. Tom Perry promised, “The discipline contained in daily obedience and clean living and wholesome lives builds an armor around you of protection and safety from the temptations that beset you as you proceed through mortality.”6
By age fifty-two I lived alone, had my own condominium, had a terrific job working for a prestigious publishing house, and had just purchased a new SUV. My employment as a national and international educational consultant who trained teachers to teach reading was purposeful and rewarding. For me, teaching reading and doing missionary work are on a similar plane because they unlock a beautiful world of possibilities and understanding for those we teach.

This work also provided me with all the perks of travel—from free tickets to Marriott points. I worked hard, and when I played, a world of possibilities opened to me: Boston for a visit with a friend or Disneyworld with my nephews. I loved my Church callings. I was the Gospel Doctrine teacher in a home ward I dearly loved, surrounded by great friends and leaders. My parents were still living, and my sisters were my best friends. Life was good.

As the years went by, I began to believe less and less that I would marry in this life. I never doubted the Lord and my patriarchal blessing that I would have my husband and family but maybe not while I lived on this earth and on my timetable. I remember friends saying,
“If you just give up hope and turn it over to the Lord, it will happen.”

This caused me to wonder if I had given up enough hope. In fact, I trusted the Lord. I had complete faith that He knew who was best for me and that He also knew the time that was best for me. That trust helped me avoid much pain and anguish. Many older singles will identify with me when I say I accepted my situation, and it was fine with me. The Lord had blessed me with a full and happy single life. But I never gave up the desire to marry or the hope that it would happen.

I never had the goal to marry an Apostle. My goal was to draw close to Heavenly Father and make my life as meaningful and happy as I could. Because I value and believe in the plan of salvation, I wanted all the blessings associated with it. That included someday, in this life or the next, finding a companion that I loved and respected, a man I could trust and depend on, who would be loyal to me and active in the Church. I wanted to marry a man who loved the Lord more than he loved me, whose allegiance was to His eternal covenants. It would simply follow that such a man would be true to me and our future family.

Pivotal Experiences

The Blessing
I look back on small pivotal choices (though as I experienced them, they did not seem pivotal) that were to have great effect on my future marriage. Every one of these decisions was based on my adherence to gospel principles and my obedience to promptings of the Spirit. Over years of time and with repeated efforts, I learned to listen to the promptings of the still, small voice, and those promptings blessed my life.

A time came in my life at age fifty-two when I had to make a major life decision. As a consultant who traveled constantly, I earned a generous salary. I had many travel perks but few time perks. In fact, I often left late Sunday evening and returned home Friday night. My only social life occurred in this narrow weekend window of time. I spent my spare moments almost exclusively with my family and in church. Each weekend when I returned from assignments, I drove directly from the airport to pick up my nieces and nephews, and they stayed with me. Saturday I prepared my Gospel Doctrine lesson late into the night and taught it the next morning. Then on Sunday evening I would depart again for work.

It was a difficult time in my life because I wore “golden handcuffs.” Whenever I wished to quit my job, it became more lucrative. Most of my life, energy, and time were going to my employment. Concerned and feeling unable to change my life, I asked my bishop for a blessing. He blessed me. What he said was specific to me, and I do not advise you to do what I did unless you are likewise counseled in a blessing. I only advise you to be obedient to the promptings you feel for yourself.

In that blessing my bishop told me, “If you do not quit your job, you will have your blessings in the eternities but not in this life.” When I heard his words, I felt the truth of them. I had to stop traveling and find employment at home. For a single sister, giving up financial security is no easy thing. I had no new job to go to. I had to go on faith to resign from my job.

After this blessing I went home and prayed for guidance and strength. It was a very fearful and uncertain time for me. I believed the bishop's words, but I had to believe them enough to act on them. “If you believe all these things see that ye do them” (Mosiah 4:10). If I had not had more than thirty adult years of trying to obey my priesthood leaders, to trust in their advice, and to believe that the counsel they offered was inspired, I would not have had enough personal strength to resign from my job. Anyone who supports herself and has house and car payments can understand. Anyone who has left longtime employment and security to serve the Lord can
empathize.

Considering resigning from a career into which I had invested nearly twenty years was no small thing for me. I had seldom applied for employment; I had nearly always been approached by others. This time no one was calling with a job offer. I had the prospect of living off my savings while working for minimum wage. Looking back, I realize it was pivotal that I trusted in and acted on the blessing given me. I decided I had to stop relying on “the arm of flesh” (2 Nephi 4:34) and on my own wisdom. I determined to do what the Lord had told me to do in the blessing.

In January 2000 I began writing letters of resignation; I had a wastebasket full. I wrote and rewrote the letter to Human Resources multiple times. Finally I wrote a letter clear enough that no one could doubt my intention to resign. I gave notice and planned to leave on July 1, 2000.
It was not until six months later that I learned that my future husband, at the prodding of his eldest daughter, Sharmon, was to commence his search for a wife in that very month.

The Trial

Friends and family questioned my actions. After I wrote my letter of resignation, I jokingly told friends, “I want to stay home and fold socks and clean the house.” One man at church said to me,
“Oh, Kristen, with all your skills, you want to do more than be a nanny!” He did not share my vision of a future husband and family, but his evaluation of my new job activities would prove partially accurate.

After I gave notice of my resignation, the company increased my workload and responsibilities. I have never traveled farther nor worked longer hours. I felt frail and began to worry about my health. When I returned home, I stayed up and studied into the early morning hours to prepare for my Gospel Doctrine class. Travel and work plus Church responsibilities began to seem almost overwhelming.

My workload became so heavy I questioned if I could do it all. I also knew that teaching the Sunday School class, especially preparing for it, was blessing my life and feeding my spirit. I remember exerting every bit of physical effort I had to keep teaching my class. I needed the Spirit more than I needed sleep. I would not give up my calling.

I persisted. Only later was I to learn why this calling was so pivotal to me, because through it one class member would eternally bless my association with my future husband (see chapter 5).
I felt tested, not only by circumstances but also by Heavenly Father. My demanding workload and dismal dating life were taking a toll, even though I had always had a strong conviction that everything would turn out well in the end. During that time in my life I remember flying in airplanes and weeping from tiredness. I would turn to my scriptures and find solace. It was a time to help me cement my faith. To complicate matters, at the end of June a competing corporation called to offer me my dream job, which would mean living in New York. I began to wonder which path to follow.

An Answered Prayer

I conferred with a close relative and shared my plans to resign my job. My aunties, hearing at a family luncheon that I was about to become unemployed, arranged an appointment in June with a General Authority who had connections with the publishing business, the field I was just leaving.

This meeting with a General Authority was extremely unusual for me. My exposure to General Authorities had been minimal, and I liked it that way. I had the utmost respect for them. I revered them, but I also understood the line of priesthood jurisdiction and felt confident that my home teachers and my bishop were sufficient to bless my life.

Shortly after my meeting with this General Authority (I do not use his name lest my account brand him as a particularly effective matchmaker), Elder Oaks phoned him and asked if he knew someone he should get to know as part of his search for a wife. I was promptly lined up to meet him. Elder Oaks's immediate phone call to me created a few daunting circumstances: he wanted to bring his daughter Sharmon to meet me before she left town the next day.

I did not tell him I had just had a permanent and needed to cover my head. We decided on a walk in Liberty Park. When I met my future husband and his daughter, I was wearing Levi's and a baseball cap (to hide my curls) for our walk. Looking back, I would never have planned to meet an Apostle of the Lord and his daughter dressed so casually. But that baseball cap allowed me to just be myself.

Our initial meeting and the conversation that ensued seemed like that of three longtime friends. Elder Oaks told me that he had often taken walks with his wife, June, who had died two years earlier. I asked him to tell me about her. From the beginning we felt calm and relaxed with each other. Sharmon shared much about their family and her mother. We laughed and talked, and our courtship began.

Because Elder Oaks felt that in our dating we should not attend public events together, we began from that day to visit family members, eat with them, take walks, go on picnics, and have ice cream on backyard patios. These activities provided an in-depth opportunity to really learn about each other. It was very sweet, romantic, and low-key. I suggest that if you desire to really get to know someone, spend a good many dates in the company of that person's siblings, parents, or children.

What distinguished my courtship with Elder Oaks was the total peace and assurance I felt that all would be well, whether we married or not. We developed a wonderful friendship, and I came to love his family. Now, much to my delight, they are my family as well.

Looking back on my single years, I am so very thankful for the time I had to learn the gospel, to live the gospel, and to make Heavenly Father my best friend. Time is a dear friend also—it mellows us and matures us. My wish for other singles is that they enjoy each and every day of their life.

Now that I am married, I do not feel that I have graduated to a higher plane. I do know that I feel more complete. I know that all we do in life contributes to our future happiness. When I look back on my single life, my only regrets are that I spent too much time worrying about my future and too little time in the kitchen. I would do anything to be able to make better dinner rolls.

Click here to buy a copy of the book A Single Voice: The Unexpected Life is No Less a Life by Kristen M. Oaks.

Quote

2009-04-15T09:06:00.000-07:00

I just read a quote and it reminds me of the learning phases and mission phases and such.

“Achieving your vision doesn't mean you've reached the end of the line. It simply means you've come to a new starting place.” — Nido Qubein

Thoughts?

What did you want to be when you grew up?

2009-04-08T13:46:00.001-07:00

A few years ago some friends of mine had a Halloween Party. The theme was "What I wanted to be when I grew up." I've heard that what you wanted to be when you grew up says something about some of your deepest held passions. I'm not sure why, if that is the case, my roommate at the time dressed as a horse but I dressed as an artist. I realize that I have some desire to be connected with art that just doesn't seem to go away. During my Love of Learning phase I spent hours and days and weeks, really, looking through art magazines, dating artists (okay, that makes it years) and touring the country looking at art. Since then, I have taken it into my Scholar and Depth phases and I am making plans for some major mission-related actions having to do with art.

What did you want to be when you grew up (list several things, if you'd like)?

Why do you think you wanted to be that?

Have you become what you wanted to be?

What could you study and do now that would help you to become what you most want to be (whether it has changed, or is still the same)? If you have become that dream, how did you do it, and what do you dream of next?

UCLA STUDY ON FRIENDSHIP AMONG WOMEN By Gale Berkowitz

2009-04-07T18:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Allie Pond for sending along this fascinating article!

A landmark UCLA study suggests friendships between women are special.They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we really are. By the way, they may do even more.

Scientists now suspect that hanging out with our friends can actually counteract the kind of stomach-quivering stress most of us experience on a daily basis. A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women. It's a stunning find that has turned five decades of stress research---most of it on men---upside down. "Until this study was published, scientists generally believed that when people experience stress, they trigger a hormonal cascade that revs the body to either stand and fight or flee as fast as possible," explainsLaura Cousino Klein, Ph.D., now an Assistant Professor of Biobehavioral Health at Penn State University and one of the study's authors. "It's an ancient survival mechanism left over from the time we were chased across the planet by saber-toothed tigers.

Now the researchers suspect that women have a larger behavioral repertoire than just "fight or flight." "In fact," says Dr. Klein,"it seems that when the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers the "fight or flight" response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead. When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect. This calming response does not occur in men", says Dr. Klein, "because testosterone---which men produce in high levels when they're under stress---seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen", she adds, "seems to enhance it."

The discovery that women respond to stress differently than men was made in a classic "aha!" moment shared by two women scientists who were talking one day in a lab at UCLA. "There was this joke that when the women who worked in the lab were stressed, they came in, cleaned the lab, had coffee, and bonded", says Dr. Klein. "When the men were stressed, they holed up somewhere on their own. I commented one day to fellow researcher Shelley Taylor that nearly 90% of the stress research is on males. I showed her the data from my lab, and the two of us knew instantly that we were onto something."

The women cleared their schedules and started meeting with one scientist after another from various research specialties. Very quickly, Drs. Klein and Taylor discovered that by not including women in stress research, scientists had made a huge mistake: The fact that women respond to stress differently than men has significant implications for our health.

It may take some time for new studies to reveal all the ways that oxytocin encourages us to care for children and hang out with other women, but the "tend and befriend" notion developed by Drs. Klein and Taylor may explain why women consistently outlive men. Study after study has found that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. "There's no doubt," says Dr. Klein, "that friends are helping us live." In one study, for example, researchers found that people who had no friends increased their risk of death over a 6-month period. In another study, those who had the most friends over a 9-year period cut their risk of death by more than 60%.

Friends are also helping us live better. The famed Nurses'Health Study fromHarvardMedicalSchoolfound that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life. In fact, the results were so significant, the researchers concluded, that not having close friends or confidantes was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight! And that's not all! When the researchers looked at how well the women functioned after the death of their spouse, they found that even in the face of this biggest stressor of all, those women who had a close friend confidante were more likely to survive the experience without any new physical impairments or permanent loss of vitality. Those without friends were not always so fortunate.

Yet if friends counter the stress that seems to swallow up so much of our life these days, if they keep us healthy and even add years to our life, why is it so hard to find time to be with them? That's a question that also troubles researcher Ruthellen Josselson, Ph.D., co-author of "Best Friends: The Pleasures and Perils of Girls' and Women's Friendships (Three Rivers Press, 1998)."Every time we get overly busy with work and family, the first thing we do is let go of friendships with other women," explains Dr. Josselson. "We push them right to the back burner. That's really a mistake because women are such a source of strength to each other. We nurture one another. And we need to have unpressured space in which we can do the special kind of talk that women do when they're with other women. It's a very healing experience."

National Geographic Foods

2009-04-02T16:48:00.000-07:00

Yum....Artichoke Chicken Linguini from National Geographic Foods. What? National Geographic Foods?

One of the suggestions for the Love of Learning Group last week was to read National Geographic. I haven't bought a magazine subscription, but I did sign up to get a few of the free e-mails. My favorite of the e-mails so far is the National Geographic Foods. There are a few articles and a recipe in the e-mail. Tonight I tried the recipe called "Artichoke Chicken Linguine." It was really good and I learned a few things and was reminded of others.

Things I learned:
The flavor for this dish is in the artichokes.
I used a smaller amount of artichokes, so I will use the correct amount next time.

Things I remembered:
Never overcook the pasta.

Here's another amateur picture of "Artichoke Chicken Linguine."

Money, It's Not Just for Rich People

2009-03-18T14:59:00.000-07:00

One of the subjects some people in the Love of Learning group are studying this month is finance. We are reading a chapter from Money, it's Not Just for Rich People, the long version of the link to cut and paste is below, or you can look on the website, below that. Some of you have read this book, some of you love and use the principles, others prefer a different philosophy. Discuss what you think here...

...I'll go first...

Chapter 1: The Basics http://www.smartcentsinc.com/pdf/Money%20Chapter%201-%20The%20Basics.pdf
(Another related link, http://www.smartcentsinc.com/)

New Here

2009-03-17T19:24:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

This is Kate from Love of Learning (LOL) phase. I'm new to the Motherhouse Foundation and I'm really looking forward to being involved with this Foundation. I am currently reading Mother Teresa's biography, and I think it is one of the most fascinating books I have ever read. I was starting to read In Defense of Food when my LOL leader called.

On the call, we talked about this blog and I have a question that I want to throw out there for some light discussion: What is something that helps you connect with your soul after being busy all day? Mother Teresa and her group spent the evening mending and "shar[ing] some of the experiences of the day."

For me, there are 2 things: cooking my dinner (no matter how complex or simple), and sewing (either at my sewing machine or doing some work by hand). These are things that just bring joy to my life.

Have fun thinking about your day and your joys.

Kate

Praise to the Men and Women Who Forged Ahead

2008-08-13T21:49:00.000-07:00

I’ve had such a burning in my bosom today and this week about Joseph Smith, the Saints, the pioneers, Mormon and non (though especially Mormon) the Patriots/Founding Fathers and the Pilgrims. Let me enumerate some of my thoughts.

1. I’m reading Undaunted Courage by Stephen Ambrose about Meriwether Lewis and Thomas Jefferson and the Discovery Corps

2. Joseph Smith was born in 1805 in the middle of this exploration of land just acquired by Jefferson in a genius and inspired act which would become the haven of his (Joseph’s/ the Lord’s) people in just 40 years or so time.

3. The obstacles confronting an exploration of the West were innumerable!

4. As were those faced by the Mormon Pioneers, the Founding Fathers and the Pilgrims

5. Jefferson was one of the absolute the brightest men alive during his time if not of all time and Lewis was taught by him, yet these two brilliant men faced the exact same types of challenges I face daily in building a straw-bale solar and wind powered home: namely, everything is harder, longer, and more expensive than your most conservative estimates.

6. The challenges, Nephi, Smith, pilgrims, pioneers, explorers, and so forth face are the same, they’re all of a type, because they are pioneering, blazing a trail.

7. I can more easily imagine what they suffered and endured because of the past two and a half years of drudgery, uncertainty, need, stress, critical decision making, and facing the elements and sickness. Cooking outdoors day in and day out is a real testimony breaker or builder.

8. After a hard day of work the last thing you want to do is build a fire and cook a meal over it and then wash the dishes and put them away only to drag them out early the next morning and do it again in the driving, dirt-blinding wind and many times they just didn’t, they went to bed hungry because they were too tired to cook.

9. Sometimes these explorers and inventors, they sink into depressions, they encounter so much disappointment and hardship they find it difficult to continue and sometimes they do not.

10. This is a physical world with physical challenges and physical consequences, it’s not virtual reality. Our bellies have dictated the outcome of many a crucial moment.11. The Hope the Saints (and we) had/have in Christ is essential to our being able to carry on, but also survival is a complex thing, we are animals that have an instinct to live, given us by God to assist in carrying on. Hence, why one Saint crossing the plains wrote, “I lived only because I could not die.” Her body didn’t give out though maybe emotionally she was much closer to dead.

In conclusion, the beautiful timing, the intricate play of events from basically 1800 to 1900, though of course it stretches backwards and forwards, is no accident, all of this material was beautifully shaped to create such an outpouring the world had never before seen. The veil was lifted and the Spirit filled the Earth, much of the greatest music ever written was during the lifetime of Joseph Smith, some of the most peaceful and influential writings came from this period, such as Thoreau and others from the transcendentalist movement.

It is a glorious thing to be alive, overwhelming obstacles and all. It is thrilling to know you’re filthy and sweaty in the dirt and brambles with Lewis and the Saints and Joseph and Jefferson and Washington and Clark and all our proud heritage who’ve gone before, for the same cause – real breathing incarnadine LIFE. We didn’t come here to repent, we came to live which by its very nature would necessitate repenting and if we don’t do that we’re missing out on the best part of living, but we’re here to do, to get bruised and bloody and figure it all out.

We’re not here to read, chant and make pithy sayings while keeping our hands clean. We have to go out and breathe in deep the oxygen and the dirt that comes in with the air. It is all a part of this corruptible life and the time will come to lay down this corruption and put on incorruption, but in the meantime its do and repent, do and repent, get dirty and then washed in the blood of the lamb and do it all over again until you die – that’s enduring to the end. Amen and Amen. Glory! Hallelujah!

Divine Daughter

2008-08-02T13:18:00.001-07:00

Here's a shocking statistic:

Teens were asked to respond to questions about circumstances under which a man "has the right to have sexual intercourse with a woman without her consent." Eighty percent said the man had the right to use force if the couple were married, and seventy percent if the couple planned to marry. Sixty-one percent said that force was justified if the couple had had prior sexual relations. More than half felt that force was justified if the woman had led the man on. Thirty percent said it was justified if he knew that she had had sex with other men, or if he was so sexually stimulated he couldn't control himself, or if the woman was drunk. More than half the students thought that "if a woman dresses seductively and walks alone at night, she is asking to be raped." -- Reviving Ophelia, Mary Pipher, PhD, p 206

Dr. Pipher does a good job helping young women and girls create expectations and set limits. The incredibly sad thing is even after Dr. Pipher's counsel, these women still are living way below their inherited rights. In one of her exercises Pipher asks girls to imagine what a good date would be like. After what is sometimes even days of pondering this is some of what the girls came up with: "he has to take me someplace nice, like McDonalds," "he has to say nice things, say he likes me." These are girls not even eighteen yet, who have had every kind of sexual experience (not to mention side effects like abortions) except the one where they actually are comfortable with the man and have a pleasurable time and yet all they demand is a $5.00 meal and just be told they are liked, not loved, liked.

It is information like this that brings a little more insight on how God must feel. How He must lament over his children when they ignore or are ignorant of, their royal nature and live as if they did not deserve so much better.

The true sexual nature of women has been hedged about by a swirl of coercion and contradiction. Entertainment, fashion, and commerce do not have the health, happiness or success of women as their objective. Hollywood does not believe virtue sells, confident beautiful women have no need for more new clothes or make-up, business will not touch the “family-wage” with a ten-foot pole, they love the increased labor pool driving down the value of the employee – this has been the teaching of the world. The teaching from Heavenly Father has been much clearer. The inspired Young Women's Theme from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints instructs us on the true identity of women:

We are daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us and we love Him. We stand as “witnesses of God at all times and in all things and in all places” (Mosiah 18:9) as we strive to live the young women values, which are:
Faith
Divine Nature
Individual Worth
Knowledge
Choice and Accountability
Good Works and
Integrity
We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values, we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the blessings of the Temple and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.

There are many many things this mission statement teaches young girls, not least of which is that she has the right to be respected, loved, cherished, to be safe, touched only when she wants to be touched, that not only can she say no, but is not even required to say no, she is a princess and who would dare to molest her. Anyone who would is an ignorant loutish oaf not even worth raising one’s eyebrows for. She is beautiful, divine, and powerful with purpose and mission and a work.

Therapy, advice, counsel, these things may alleviate and ameliorate, but they do not inspire, they do not match her glorious destiny. Taught to do so women objectify, demean, ignore and undress themselves and live in constant pain and confusion, convinced they are powerless, deserve to be unhappy, and are unworthy of being loved.

I refer now to my original statistic at the beginning. At no time in my church membership, in all the meetings I have attended was I taught there were times when it was proper for me to be forced. In fact it has been just the opposite. I can recall sermons declaring that no man should ever in any thing use force or coercion in his family. I recall preaching affirming the love God feels toward his daughters, proclaiming the rights and privileges of women, of the daughters of God and any who violated such was condemned.

How different a message from that received at nearly every conceivable venue. How blessed are the women who are taught that their value lays not in their bodies, youth, or appearance, but by virtue of their divine heritage have a responsibility and an intense inclination to strive for pure beauty.

I have a vision of the Women of God, the Queens and Priestesses of God: she is a woman of assurance, ability, peace and laughter. She is clothed in purple robes, a crown is upon her head, and healing is in her touch. Her courtly gowns, her precious gems, her emblems of power are not visible to our physical eyes, but this is her real appearance. No such person would slurp a soda in muddy pick-up truck down at the look-out and let herself be groped by the pimply cocky sixteen year old or the broad-shouldered over-eager quarterback. No such woman would set up an assignation at the Four Seasons Hotel presidential suite and there clad in Donna Karen wait for her grey-templed, pin-striped millionaire lover.

One of my favorite stories is A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett. Sara who was much loved and cherished by her father is orphaned and Ms. Minchin the mean heartless school mistress does her best to convince Sara she is a worthless, forgotten beggar. Sara draws herself up and with great power declares that she is a princess, all girls are princesses, “didn't your father ever tell you that?” And in that moment oh, we know like an arrow just pierced our hearts that no, Ms Minchin’s father never did tell her she was a princess and that is why she is angry and hard and tries to destroy Sara.

What a world-wide difference it would make if girls knew and were taught that they were daughters of God with rights and privileges who could demand much and expect to receive what they desired! Too many women settle, haven’t the slightest idea that there is more or their fragile desiring is quickly extinguished by overwhelming images and messages from media and elsewhere. Too many preach birth-control, use scare tactics projecting images of diseased and rotting flesh on the classroom wall, and deny her desire to be loved and unified with a man for the purpose of creating a strong family unit and try to replace this legitimate God-given mission with career, make-overs and expensive furniture.

Only the positive beautiful principles illustrated in the Young Women’s Theme can start girls on the right path to happiness and contentment. Only the Atonement of the Saviour Jesus Christ can heal the broken hearts. Anything else, sex education, therapy are just stop-gaps that inadequately deal with the overwhelming flow of the bruised and disfigured, it can never be a preventive measure or a positive-action alternative.

Small and Simple

2008-07-13T18:06:00.000-07:00

Today's Relief Society lesson on obedience brought some interesting comments from the class. Two women spoke of occasions when they didn't know how to do something, they prayed about it and then recieved detailed instructions showing them how in a dream. For one woman it was how to put pockets and a zipper on the wedding dress she was sewing and for another how to put a belt back on her lawn mower.

We are familiar with the concept "by small and simple means are great things brought to pass" and we speak of this often, in the context of how the Lord's work is accomplished. The inverse is true as well -- by small and simple things are our souls destroyed, testimonies wrecked and eternal torment becomes our destiny.

Imagine you have a large lawn that needs to be mowed -- really needs to be mowed, today is your day off, you've done the grocery shopping, the laundry and now it's the cool of the evening, rain is forecasted for the rest of the week this is your last opportunity. You begin to mow thinking of all the other things that didn't get attended to on this one precious day off when suddenly, just a few rows in the belt fiendishly disconnects itself from the mechanism and flies belt over belt to land in the elephant-eye high grass.

Now what? Your evening is shot, you can't do it next week because it's girl's camp or you're helping a neighbor move. It'll be two weeks till you can get to it and by then you'll be living in a jungle. Unless you're a saint and had a date to be translated the next morning you are spitting mad -- you're ready to rip trees in little bitty pieces with your teeth. In fact, (if you are the dramatic moody type and I am) maybe you even start thinking about the futility of existence and how you are thwarted at every turn and nothing goes your way.

This is daily life and this is why there are public shootings at malls and Virginia universities. The daily attrition of these small and simple things wear us down and make us fit for hell nay, eager to get there if it means leaving all this bunk behind. This is why the Lord exhorts us, beseeches us to pray to Him over all our flocks, fields, and all our concerns. Apparently, as I was most astonished to learn in Relief Society this morning when we hit one of those very temporal, physical, sweaty, hark-knock-life, stubbing your toe, stumbling blocks if we are obedient, i.e. pray, He can and will quite literally show us the solution. And I always thought He was the type that just listened and offered comfort, sort of another girlfriend, "I don't want things to just feel better I want them to actually be better".

This is revolutionary! I truly believe the frustrated desperate violent acts that are increasingly in the news is the result of the consistent small and simple stresses that without a fervent hope in the reality of the Millenium when we will live without taxes, pollution, deadlines, bosses, mortgage payments, car payments, GM food and medical bills these things will overwhelm us and may even be the number one cause of chronic illness. The action that corresponds with that hope is prayer, praying over all these so called simple little things that in reality are the bread and butter of our existence. In short the small and simple things can either make our testimonies or break them it works both ways. So pray, pray, pray!

Warning: 1. as I'm preaching to the choir here I know, this is all for the benefit of my own wicked self. 2. Also, in my experience nearly everytime I thought something needed to happen NOW! it didn't. 3. I haven't experienced this for myself yet. I'm hoping to test the concept and to be honest I'm a little fearful that it is true for others and not for me, but when I heard those women talk about their experiences I really thought this might be an effective substitute for cursing, throwing things and stomping off.

Education Piece - Steel to Gold

2008-07-11T15:37:00.000-07:00

The Mother House Foundation education pieces for July is Steel to Gold by Rachel DeMille. This article can be accessed at:

http://www.tjed.org/articles/steel-gold-feminism-vs-stateswomanship

DeMille boldly declares that Modern Feminism, Reactionary Feminism, and Anti-feminism are all failed attempts, despite the good that came from them, to prescribe a role for women in society. These reactionary stances are incomplete. She addresses the issues single women face and presents us with a "new" option - Stateswomanship.

Some thoughts on the Mission Statement

2008-06-26T13:30:00.000-07:00

I was going to remove my latest post thinking it was too unorganized and unclear in objective. Also, I wasn't sure if it really fit in with the mission of this blogspot. Upon re-reading it doesn't seem quite so horrible as I remembered. I would like to add here, a commentary on what I wrote or perhaps an alternate concluding paragraph -- maybe it will be something else altogether, the reader will know better than myself.

"To heal the hearts of single women by uniting their strengths with the needs of an ailing world." I love that mission statement, that principle, that idea. I think of Elizabeth, cousin to Mary, who longed for a child, Hannah, Sarah, Rebekah, these women who through no fault of God's, found their worth primarily in being the mother of sons and without occupation in motherhood had nothing else -- nothing else recognized and supported by society anyway, if they did have community support it isn't mentioned in the Bible or was removed, in which case the point still holds valid that at some point in history somebody thought it best to convince women that the scope of her worth was narrow and lay only in being the producer of her husband's heir.

Now, it is not my objective to harp on about how oppressed women have been, I merely want to point out that this Victorian idea of helplessness and "feminine tasks" is false. Women all over the world all throughout history have carried the knowledge of healing, birthing, housebuilding, growing and cultivating and even business management, or some combination of these and passed it down to their children. So, I find the Motherhouse Foundation mission statement prescient because it attempts to heal us from that late Western European idea that women are suited for very little and mostly for being subservient and also from the other extreme we see presently in our culture of usurping everyone else's role and being everything to everybody.

"To heal the hearts of single women by uniting their strengths with the needs of an ailing world" recognizes three things: 1 each woman has unique gifts beyond yet inclusive of the nature of her sex 2 the way she utilizes her abilities are limited only by her creativity and inspiration, she lives in a time when she can be anything in any place (in other words her fulfillment no longer need come only through being a mother to a great man) 3 her broken heart can be healed of any damage she has received in whatever manner it came to her, through service.

Who Needs Him?

2008-06-11T10:42:00.000-07:00

On June 1, Elder Jeffrey Holland spoke to the Platte City Stake and gave an apastolic blessing in which he remarked that the majority of the congregation were women and how that was the case all over the world and that women since the beginning of time have carried the banner of faith and then he said something to the effect of how beautiful we were and how much the Lord loves the women of the church.

Since 2004-05 when I commenced my study of world history using Will Durant's eleven volume monstrosity of which I didn't manage to read half, also at which time I studied quite seriously Helen Andelin's book, Fascinating Girl, I have been plagued with an unceasing mental commentary that was highly critical on matters dealing with my person and scathing on topics historical or societal in nature. Most recently I've perused an interesting book, Hungry Planet; What the World Eats, again I was confronted, as I was in Durant, with women relegated if not wholly, nearly to the role of beast of burden while their husbands rested in shade or sun with beer or narcotics. Via small business loans to women in third world countries, poverty has decreased (in very specific local areas), the health and education of children improved in their communities. They've found through experience that it just isn't profitable nor does it reach their objectives of improving the quality of life in the poverty-stricken to make these loans to the husbands, they don't pay back the loan and the money makes no improvement in the lives of their families.

The next Sunday I slipped into a seat in the nick of time, bowed my head and partook of the sacrament. Testimonies were born and I became absorbed in my own thoughts. Sitting next to me was a young missionary, I do not know his name, where he is from only that he is missing a lot of his blonde hair. Statistically, it is more likely that he is a consumer of pornography or a homosexual or even more likely to marry, have seven children, and leave his wife for a younger woman than otherwise and I found my self asking the question, "should I really care if he finds me attractive, an ideal speciman of womanhood, a good breeder with a good figure? What if I turned to him at the conclusion of this meeting and said to him who heard what Elder Holland had to say about women a week ago, "As a man how do you justify your existence?"

Suddenly, I knew in a way I never had before, that Holland was right, Hinckley was right, Dew, Dalton, Beck all the multitudes who have said innumerable times, "God loves you. Woman is the crowning creation." are right. When the Saints went west to Utah, a husband went to California as a part of the Mormon Battalion and his wife as part of a wagon train with the children and expecting another child. She gave birth exposed to the elements, in the icy rain and then traveled on. They were reunited in Salt Lake and then a few years later the husband died from poor health a result of his strenuous travels in the Mormon Battalion. She grew a child inside her, crossed through the valley of the shadow of death and then nourished that child despite privations bringing it to the Utah valley alive -- and he dies!

So, it hit me like a ton of bricks there in the chapel, "I will never exert myself again in an effort to win the attention/attraction of a man. I am through wondering if I am attractive, feminine, smiling, looking delighted and charmed by anything and everything men do. I am through. No more." As I have contended for many years feminism is not for women it is for men, they were looking for a way out of the curse to earn their bread by the sweat of their brow and now just like in third world countries "modern" women carry the burden of the curse laid on both sexes not just their own. Why on earth would I want to attract another dependent when I am already lugging strawbales seven feet high on a rickety fiberglass ladder in 80 degree heat and 100% humidity? I don't need it.

Of course if men were to read this they'd say I was bitter as if that incrimination is only second to being called a whore. Well, as women are usually called whore when she won't sleep with him so are most women called bitter only when she isn't praising him. Besides which I would be proud to stand in the ranks with Naomi who declared to her friends she was Mara, that she was bitter because in a strange land her husband died, then both her sons and they didn't leave her with any grandsons. She was deserted and abandoned completely by those who should've been there to protect and provide for her. She was only stating facts, she loved her daughter-in-law, she knew she had arrived home again by the grace of God, didn't change the reality that her life was a string of tragedies.

I know God loves me and I know He knows I am beautiful, worthwhile and His crowning creation; durable, perceptive, spiritual, a long-distance runner who in every country on this globe will outlive the men and give life not take it. Being such a magnificent creature I find it somewhat disgusting to lower myself to batting my eyelashes, smiling and hoping for his acceptance.

I'm not disagreeing with the prophet, "marriage is ordained of God," I'm just through even thinking about lowering myself for man's benefit and believing that I'm somehow physically, emotionally, spiritually or mentally inferior when history and scripture clearly indicate the reverse (note: anyone could tell you I'm not known for my meekness or lack of self-esteem, I'm speaking of intrinsic cultural thought patterns even the most confident might have that are easily unnoticed). Also, I would have to conclude that it is possible there is an individual man who is superior to me (big of me I know) but I haven't met him yet.

Mother's Sons

2008-05-10T13:15:00.000-07:00

It's a patchy gusty day in northwest Missouri this Saturday, and thunderstorms are imminent. Fortunately, the drive to Hatfield and the Johnson farm was dry; until I moved here I did not know there were still so many dirt roads in North America and the path that leads to this particular homestead is rough indeed. My sister and I picked up the planters we'd put together for Mother's day from the greenhouse way out in the back forty. The lemon balm had gone wild and the smell was delightful, our arrangements all looked nice except my purple basil and lavender one, the basil just took off and its tall and showy like a supermodel and the lavender is small and squat like me -- it will probably catch up.

Earlier last month I was at this same greenhouse when Brother Johnson's children were all home for a visit. His oldest David lives in Belize and farms, he was dressed like a Mennonite with a red beard. I could tell he was a character. He kept saying things like, "I don't know why people think they can't do such and such all they have to do is this." Maybe he'll grow up to be a curmudgeon. I liked him. The large Johnson clan gave off an air of friendliness and hilarity and it was pleasant to feel their joy in each other.

Today, though before we left we stopped by the house to say howdy and Sister Johnson, her daughter Amy, Sherri my sister, and I just started to talk and laugh and we were there way over an hour. I mentioned that I thought David seemed a very interesting person and Sister Johnson said, "he said you wouldn't be interested in him."

This is an interesting thing I've encountered more than once and I know I'm not unique in this: mothers who want to set you up with their sons or grandsons. Another lady I know has given me $60.00 to call her grandson and have dinner with him. She's a great lady, so funny and spunky and I'm trying to get up the courage to approach her grandson. Other women have thought I'd be a great influence on their straying sons/grandsons and wished "my son had met you before he married so and so who isn't a member." Their efforts have never had any sort of success, though certainly they have not reached a great deal of opposition from me.

In this instance with the farmer from Belize though he is not a faithful member, he is not poor and he doesn't have any children and these are two points for him. Besides that I think we may actually have something in common -- our desire to have a simple lifestyle off the grid among other things.

I'll have to finish this later, the storm has hit, the thunder is deafening and the lights are flickering.

Okay, well it seems to be passing over quite quickly. What I'm trying to say here is that the reason these mother's efforts haven't worked in the past (and I'm not saying they invested a great deal of effort, they were mostly just passing fancies) is . . . well actually I suppose it is quite obvious and I won't bore you with the apparent. So I guess I am done here after all.

Selfishness

2008-05-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

I've noticed lately that single women sort of have their own brand of selfishness. A stingy sort and it can be particularly unkind. Obviously anyone who is unhappy can be this way but this particular brand of unkindness is one I want to make sure not to have in my life. Answering halfway when someone asks me if they can have a bite of my food or borrow something of mine seems intended to bring on shame for asking, to teach a lesson for the next time. I see a tendency in single women to sort of live double lives. It's easy to fall into the trap of being over-the-top generous to an inner ring of friends but stingy and sometimes awful to those on the outside. I saw a girl the other day snub those around her. She was like a different person when the phone rang, bubbling over with excitement as she greeted her friend on the line. That's not nurturing or kind. Now that I've recognized this for myself I want to make sure I don't indulge that way.

Renewal

2008-03-11T16:15:00.000-07:00

How can I feel renewed and refreshed?

Marie Palmer gave us a reteaching of Dr. DeMille's talk on renewal from Liber League. This was presented for a conference on entrepreneurial endeavors so it's in that language but I hope you will convert it to your circumstances. Anyone attempting to live a mission-centered life is certainly in need of renewal on a regular basis. I hope you will use these ideas to refresh your soul.

The purpose of a retreat/renewal is to address challenges. Identify what the challenge is (5 most common listed below). Design your renewal time in response to a challenge.

Most people work for a corporation or business where there is planned renewal - breaks, vacations and such. If you’re anxiously engaged, working on projects, studying, living the mission-centered life you will need to plan and take responsibility for your own renewal. You need to create a pattern of renewal for yourself - plan a yearly vacation etc. But most importantly, in the day to day, try to identify the challenge that is wearing you out and address it.

How can I go about renewal?

Challenges:
1. Frustration - Turn on your manager self. Frustration is often caused by things that are out of our hands and not going well. Find unique gifts in others and empower them to do better. Adjust and manage well so that the flow will resume.

2. Boredom - Turn on leader self. Rally people around you and get moving on what really needs to get done.

3. Unfulfilled - Turn on your romantic self. For single women this often means you need to find situations where there are worthwhile guys to get to know and date. Get creative or even consider something drastic like moving! We are women who live deliberate lives.

4. Drained or Burnt out - Replace yourself. Stop doing what you don’t like, replace yourself. It will be a relief just knowing you're in the process of doing so.

5. Stressed, Worried or Anxious - Focus on your mission self. Visualize how to fulfill the needs of the world. Take time to remember why you are there and regain faith.

Other Ideas:
Change your environment (a change is as good as a nap)!
Take time to ask real questions
Find the right people rather than spending time getting the right skills to do the job yourself.
Don’t work on weaknesses - instead work on and focus on strengths, but not get blindsided by weaknesses. Starve weakness and feed strengths.

If you identify the challenges you will not be slowed but will be properly refreshed.

Mother House Foundation

2008-03-10T16:21:00.000-07:00

The Mother House Foundation is a non-profit organization that helps single women to get on a progressive path of healing and service. This blog is meant to be a place where single women involved with the Mother House can discuss the issues faced during the single years. There is much of loneliness but also strength and ability in this population. We believe this can be harnessed much more effectively to help the world. If you would like more information on the Mother House Foundation or would like to get involved please go to www.MotherHouseFoundation.org. There is no cost to become involved with the Mother House as a single woman (though we are always accepting donations of course). There is a place for every single woman here whether or not you are ready to start a project of your own.

Our Mission Statement:

“To heal the hearts of single women by uniting their strength with the needs of an ailing world.”